Are French Parents Superior?

In 2012, Pamela Druckerman raised this question in her new book, Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. Druckerman noticed, while in France, that she and her husband were the only parents in a constant state of anxiety because of the erratic and juvenile behavior of their kids. Temper tantrums were simply a constant background of life.

In contrast, it seemed like French parents have never known this stress. Their children were well-behaved: no shrieking, no yelling, no refusal of food, no messes--Druckerman was left questioning what the French were doing right and what Americans were doing wrong.

After observing Parisian middle-class life and comparing that with her experience with American middle-class life, she came to some conclusions about French parenting and American parenting in general. 

First, French parents aren't obsessive. They let their children idle along sometimes and take time for themselves. In contrast, most American families want their children to constantly be engaged in something--piano lessons, tennis class, after-school activities--and most american families want to be engaged in those activities with their children.

Second, French parents don't discipline their children; they educate them. One example of this verb-stressed sentence is how French parents don't immediately pick up a child when s/he is crying. Instead, caretakers let their young ones wait, and thus teach them patience. Some families also use daily chores to instill patience in their children; some adhere by strict meal times for similar results.

The French also make their children play by themselves, so the children learn how to enjoy their own company instead of constantly crying for mom. In France, this concept is much more emphasized than it is in America. Another big concept in French parenting is the cadre, or frame. Parents set down very strict boundaries, but within those boundaries children are granted autonomy.

There is still no consensus on which country produces the best children, and there probably never will be. But, learning about different methods of raising your child and incorporating a different perceptive can be helpful. Who knows, maybe if you try the French method, you'll end up with perfect French children, too.