Un café à emporter : How drinking coffee taught me how to live in a foreign country

Un café à emporter : How drinking coffee taught me how to live in a foreign country
Written by Caleigh Erickson, AFC intern

Between the months of January and May of this year, I lived and went to school in Montpellier, France. I had many expectations about how life would be during my time there, but I never realized just how much I would learn by calling a foreign country my home. I arrived bright-eyed and ready to experience it all, ready for a new school, a host family, and amazing travel opportunities. However, as I look back on those four months, it was some of the smaller, less monumental moments that taught me the biggest lessons. I am an avid coffee drinker, and was excited to live in a part of the world where "un café" comes with just about anything. However, I did not realize how such a simple practice could teach me about life in France.

Lesson 1: Slow down and sit down! 

Living in the busy, bustling United States, I was used to always taking my coffee to go and chugging it down in between school and work commitments. However, this is not how it is done in most of France. People typically buy their coffee, and then sit down in the café to enjoy at. I was looked at like I was an alien when I asked for a "to go" coffee, and forced to sit down like everyone else and drink it slowly. In the end, it taught me how to enjoy every moment of my time there instead of rushing through it like I do in the States. I embraced drinking coffee the French way, and learned much more through simply sitting down and enjoying my surroundings. This was a lesson I could apply to other parts of my time there. 

Lesson 2: You can't always have it your way. 

I could not be considered a "real coffee drinker" as I like to put cream and sugar in it to reduce the bitterness. However, many cafés in France make you pay extra if you want milk in your coffee, unless you ordered a café au lait, and not very much sugar is given. I had to learn to like my coffee the way they take it. Eventually, my tastes changed, and I actually preferred more bitter coffee! When you're living in a foreign country, very few things (if any) will be done the way you do them. In many ways, that can be the best part of living abroad! You can learn many things you would not normally learn if you did everything you way, and it challenges you to be flexible and open to new experiences. 

Lesson 3: Small talk is overrated!

I am an extrovert, and am used to meeting new people and socializing with strangers almost wherever I go. I was slightly disheartened when I would sit in a café for several hours and not a single person would acknowledge my presence, even after they heard me speaking english or could tell that I wasn't from there. Many of my efforts to make small talk were not entertained. However, it showed me that the most meaningful relationships for the French are those that are fostered over time and have more depth. There are very few "pointless" friendships and meaningless chatter is not supported. This taught me to pursue meaningful relationships while I was there, and to focus my time and energy on making real friends, instead of making small talk. Because of this, I walked away from my time abroad with a few great friends.